Are you a Cork Dork or Wine Geek?

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Are you a Cork Dork or Wine Geek? - 7/19/2008 3:56:53 PM

zippz

Posts: 233
Joined: 6/28/2008
From: Chicago IL USA
Status: offline

How to Tell a Wine Geek from a Cork Dork

Recently, at a dinner with friends, one man's date turned to me and complained, "He's so boring. All he ever talks about is wine. All day long he talks about wine."    I probably looked hurt, because I was just as engrossed in our discussion of Syrah as he was. Lorraine leaned toward me and whispered, "She's right, you know. We're all hopeless wine geeks. Look at us from an outsider's point of view."

But the deeper I get into the world of wine, the harder that is to do. I think moving our discussion from Merlot to Syrah is a total change in conversation. Have I been slowly losing touch with reality and drifting more and more into a fascination with varietal differences and degrees of oak, malolactic overindulgence, and varying theories on wild yeasts?

I must, however, point out the vast difference between a wine geek and a cork dork. In my lexicon, a wine geek, like a computer geek, is consumed by his field. He likes dry and sweet wines, white and red wines, French and American wines. He is an experience junkie, always looking for a new and vinous adventure.

A wine geek will look at an untried varietal like a biologist discovering a new phylum. "What's this? A pinot verde? Get out the Riedel, we must examine this!"    A cork dork, on the other hand, will hold his glass by the base. He'll swirl a wine until it's exhausted, and after a long speech on the supposed characteristics of a wine he has yet to taste, will finally sniff it and announce his disappointment in its aroma. A cork dork will aspire to all things French, and the barrels must be new, the women young, and the wines very old—although any one with any experience knows that these choices are not necessarily the best. If you try to pour him some dessert wine, he'll snatch his glass away in horror, leaving you in the foolish position of pouring wine on the table.    When visiting wine country, you will inevitably encounter both wine geeks and cork dorks.

Therefore, I suggest these ten guidelines for differentiating between poseurs (dorks) and real geeks (us).

1. A dork will make you feel uncomfortable. They are supercilious, punctilious, and from my point of view, just plain supercilious. A geek, however, will make you feel comfortable, and value your opinion of his wines.

2. A dork holds his glass by the base, or with his fingers curled sensuously around the body of the glass. A geek grabs his glass by the stem and just sticks his nose in. All business.

3. Geeks love sweet wine and the women who drink them. Always keep a bottle on hand for the sensual possibilities. A dork does not keep sweet wine or palate deadening spices in his kitchen.

4. Dorks love to mention Bordeaux and Burgundy. Geeks speak and kiss French.

5. Dorks spend as much as possible for large bottles at auction, hoping for the ultimate photo opp. Geeks barter, trade, and wheedle for wine, but always seem to have plenty on hand.

6. Dorks will ask, "How long will this wine cellar?" Geeks will age a wine only as long as necessary to make it drinkable. They have been known to pick up old bottles and hold them up to the light, shaking the sediment around, and saying, "Do you think I can drink this now?"

7. In a restaurant, dorks will swizzle wine loudly through their teeth before taking the first swallow. Geeks never do this on a first date, because they know if you laugh, the wine will come out your nose.

8. Dorks will order food, then a wine to match. Geeks order wine, and a totally unrelated food. They're always surprised by how well food and wine go together.

9. Dorks follow numerical wine ratings and place their bets accordingly. Geeks are the hecklers of the wine world, and can often be overheard saying, "That wine got an 87? Geesh, I woulda given it a 91. 92?!? How did that wine rate? Are we sure that's not the judge's age??"

10. Dorks have a proper cellar for their wine collection, with temperature controls, and chairs for their guests. Geeks and winemakers use their cellars for "production stuff," and store their personal selections in the garage, between the kayak and the workbench.

Originally Posted by Mary Baker on June 20, 2005 in 101 Other Uses for a Vineyard: Essays

< Message edited by zippz -- 7/19/2008 4:00:16 PM >

_____________________________

“See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil... just Drink wine” ~ CT mantra

Post #: 1

RE: Are you a Cork Dork or Wine Geek? - 7/20/2008 4:29:42 AM

zippz

Posts: 233
Joined: 6/28/2008
From: Chicago IL USA
Status: offline

Doesn't seem fair to dice people up into "one or the other"
so here's a more thoughtful study that dices six ways,
which category do you fit into?:

Wine Drinking Attitudes

"Waverley Wine and Spirits Group have recently conducted some research into wine drinking habits and attitudes amongst British wine drinkers. The survey was conducted with over 3,500 people, including members of the wine and spirits trades and consumer groups in restaurants, pubs, clubs, supermarkets and off-licenses.

The research looked at the social occasions on which we drink wine, why we drink wine, and what we look for when choosing a wine. As part of the research, wine drinkers have been categorized into six 'typical' consumer profiles"

http://www.wine-pages.com/features/wavface.htm

_____________________________

“See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil... just Drink wine” ~ CT mantra

(in reply to zippz)

Post #: 2

RE: Are you a Cork Dork or Wine Geek? - 7/20/2008 5:53:31 AM

SteveG

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline

not sure where I fit in there...which I think is good, but

I will of often inquire as to what my wife and any others at the table are ordering for dinner, pick a wine which I think will be suitable and enjoyable to them (oh, and interesting and affordable to me), and then choose my dinner to compliment the wine, all FWIW of course.

(in reply to zippz)

Post #: 3

RE: Are you a Cork Dork or Wine Geek? - 7/20/2008 6:24:16 PM

zippz

Posts: 233
Joined: 6/28/2008
From: Chicago IL USA
Status: offline

Maybe these 6 types are more accurate?

The 6 Types of Wine Drinkers found at Wine Shows:

#1. The Wide-Eyed Beginner
This young drinker has heard about how great this wine stuff is, and is looking to get into the scene.
Overheard Saying:
"Sure, I'll try anything once!"
What They Need To Do:
Keep an open mind as they learn more about good drink. Don't listen to #'s 3, 4, or 5.

#2. The Ignoramus
Only drinks bad beer and cheap booze. Was dragged here by their wife, who's probably a #1 or 5.
Overheard Saying:
"Wine is for pussies"
What They Need To Do:
A shower would be a good start, with "listening to their wife" as a follow-up.

#3. The Critic
Talks a lot about how much they love wine, but spends all their time complaining - simply serving to piss people off. Can also be a #4.
Overheard Saying:
"I've had better than this. I think it was that time I was in Bordeaux, or was it at my Tuscan Villa?"
What They Need To Do:
Shut the hell up.

#4. The Snob
Considers themselves fully functional in the wine world. Reads the "right" magazines and only drinks wine that is over $20 a bottle. Oddly, though, they often cannot tell good wine from bad.
Overheard Saying:
"What did that score in Wine Spectator?"
What They Need To Do:
Participate in blind tastings with good wines in all price ranges, to learn about wine "from the ground up." The problem is they seldom will do this, because they'd be too embarrassed to prefer a $10 wine to a $100 one.

#5. The Potential Snob
Has a newfound love for wine, probably spurred on by someone they respect or admire, and/or by the perceived improved status that wine loving and knowledge will bring them. Unfortunately, they usually understand very little about wine. Sniffs their glass a lot. Needs help getting on the path to a #6 - otherwise is destined to be a #4.
Overheard Saying:
"I only drink red wine."
What they Need To Do:
Learn more about good wine, beer, and spirits, by reading and participating in tastings, or taking courses. Learn to appreciate quality red, white, sparkling, rose, fortified, & dessert wines equally.

#6. The True Lover of All Things Good
These people appreciate good wine for what it is -- good food, and are capable of identifying good quality beer and spirits, too. They drink for the sheer enjoyment - because it's fun and it tastes good. Usually married to another #6.
Overheard Saying:
"I like it!"
What They Need To Do:
Spread the gospel of good drink.

Source: http://www.frogspad.ca/articles/nov2002.php

_____________________________

“See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil... just Drink wine” ~ CT mantra

(in reply to SteveG)

Post #: 4