Colonel Lawrence
Posts: 2093
Joined: 4/24/2006 From: Arabia Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pavie Princess tonight we ate Monk fish with chorizo infused mashed potatos and 1999 La Moline in Jax Fla.............................absolute perfection. Reminded me of one of my fav. Friends sketches: [Scene: ATM vestibule.] Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile! (Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.) Chandler: There you go! (He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks frightened.) Chandler: You're definitely scaring her. (Jill's phone rings and she answers it) Jill: Hello. Oh, hi, Mom. (listens) Mom, Mom, you're tripping. Dexter's a dog. The blackout is scaring him. You'd pee in dad's shoes too if you didn't know what was going on. All right call me back. (Hangs up) (To Chandler) Mothers!!! Chandler: Yeah! That a boy, a word. That wasn't so hard. "Mothers", "Yeah" "Mothers", "Yeah". Work it. (Smiles again at Jill) Don't smile! Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? (offering phone) Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks. (takes phone) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it's Chandler.] Monica: Hello? Chandler: Hey, it's me. Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK? Chandler: Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what he is saying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr. Monica: What? Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr! Monica: I have no idea what you just said. Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone. Joey: What's up man? Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR. Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled) Chandler: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene: ATM vestibule.] Jill: Would you like some gum? Chandler: Um, is it sugarless? Jill: (checks) Sorry, it's not. Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene: ATM vestibule.] Chandler: All right, all right. Damage control. Get back to the gum. You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene: ATM vestibule.] Chandler: (chewing gum) Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go. (Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.) Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it back in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.) Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking. (Chandler starts to choke.) Jill: Are you alright? (Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.) Jill: My God, you're choking! (she runs over and gives him the Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth) That better? Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... that was.... Jill: Perfection?
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